“You have changed my sadness into a joyful dance; you have taken away my sorrow and surrounded me with joy.” —Psalm 30:11 (GNT)
Last week I shared how I found Jesus. This week is part two of my story; God’s restoration.
Prior to my first husband’s death, my identity had been as a wife and mother. When he died, I felt as if half of that was taken from me. Eventually I was able to see that I was created for a bigger purpose than being John’s wife. I still had my life, the life growing inside of me and my son.
But I still struggled with, Who am I? What now? Will I ever love again? I loved being a wife. I didn’t want my children to grow up fatherless. When I would pray and cry out to God about it, on more than one occasion, He led me to 1 Timothy 5:14, “So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.”
I knew God was telling me that I would one day remarry but I struggled with asking God to put a man in my life to love me for who I was and love my children as his own. Was I being selfish? I had a good marriage to a good man, was I being greedy for wanting that again?
I had to accept that God wanted the best for both me and my children and if having a husband/father was part of His plan, then in His time it would happen. Until I could find my identity in Christ and that God created me on purpose for a purpose, God couldn’t bless me to love again. I needed to find my worth in Him and not another person.
Neither my current husband or I were looking to date when we met each other. He was recently divorced (no children) so dating a woman with 2 young children definitely was not on his radar. In God’s perfect timing he opened both of our hearts to love again.
How tragic it would have been, had I not been open to remarriage for fear of losing again. I know that I am not immune to tragedy, but I don’t live in fear of it. If I did, I would have never risked loving again. My husband and I met when my children were two and four and married when they were four and seven. I know that I am a much better wife because I am more capable of expressing my love and appreciation. While, my first husband, John, helped bring my children into this world, my husband, Pat, is the man who has raised them as his own and who they call, Dad.
Being a widowed single parent for 5 years was not something I had planned or anticipated but during that time, I found my faith, I found myself and I found love again. That is a reason to give God glory! God’s faithfulness then is the same for me now. He still loves me and still wants what is best for me.
Are you going through something where you feel as if you won’t ever find happiness? Take comfort in knowing that God knows every issue on your heart. He is able to shoulder all of your burdens. Your challenges just as mine, don’t fall outside the scope of God’s ability to intervene. Lift your eyes from your situation and fix them on your Lord and Savior. You will find peace in your pain and strength in your struggle. As hard as it was, I didn’t let my situation overshadow my trust in God.
Thank You that You restore broken hearts. Your Word tells me that You can turn my sadness into joy. Sometimes things happen in our lives that we don’t understand, but I know you hold the top of the weaving. Among the dark threads of life You have also woven in gold and silver. You know how the picture of my life is going to turn out. I trust You Lord during both the good and bad days. It is in the name of Jesus I pray these things. Amen.
October Memory Verse
“Remind me each morning of your constant love, for I put my trust in you. My prayers go up to you; show me the way I should go.”—Psalm 143:8 (GNT)
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